Lord Aston Flamville II


One of the less widely reported incidents in rock and roll history was when Keith Moon crashed one of his other Rolls through the gates of Flamville manor and in to the ornamental carp lake. Dashed careless of the chap.

However, with Lord Flamville I away, it was Lady Flamville who took pity on the stricken, damp drummer, and 9 months later, Aston was born.

At 15 months old, Aston uttered his first word – “snare”, which of course Lord Flamville senior understood in the context of rabbit pie, but as we all now know, almost revealed the shocking secret - young Aston had inherited his biological fathers’genes, and years later, after a protracted court case, the family home too.

Squadron Leader Gyles St John Farqharson


The result of a meeting of two great families – St Johns of “Wort” fame and the Farqharson Welsh colliery owners, Gyles is the at the very top of the aristocratic tree with a veritable list of who’s who in his crocodile skin filofax – royalty, rock stars and heads of state.

Having done his bit for Queen and Country at the battle of the Somme, he retired to a steady life of gentry, owning most of the land that later became known as “Mansfield”.

When not beating his household staff for sport, he drives round his home town in a modified Panzer tank using anybody in a shell suit for target practice.

Lord Tarquin Perrywinkle-Lineker IV


Son of a panel beater from Loughborough, Tarquin struck gold with a Euromillions jackpot win in 2003, whereupon he bought himself a Lordship off the Labour government, the county of Leicestershire, plus a controlling interest in Walkers crisps, his main source of nutrition.

His formative years of watching “X factor” whilst consuming large volumes of blue fizzy pop lead him down a worrying route of cabaret singing, until a timely intervention from a Skegness fortune teller showed him the error of his ways and he began to learn what “rock and roll” could do for his soul.

Lambert the Butler


The disinherited son of a tobacco millionaire, Lambert spent many years in the wilderness playing a one string guitar made from his fathers walking stick and a discarded cigar humidor.

Life turned round for the young lad when he was discovered playing on the steps of a Gentlemans Club by Squadron Leader Farquarson, who was impressed not only with what he heard, but also young Lamberts ability to “knock up a spot of tea and a good slug of port”.

Henceforth he was taken in as part of the Farqharson household staff, where he continues to serve to this day.